Things not to say to a military wife

Note to readers:
Okay, I have really tried not to use my blog for too much venting. Well, today is the day I will break that promise. I ask your pardon as I use this format to vent about those who are less sensitive and seem to lose their filter when speaking with me. Please note: I am sensitive to comments; even if they are said in a harmless fashion, they still hurt.

Comment 1

• Tax representative: "How long will your husband will be gone?
• Me: "A total of eight months. Two months of boot camp and six months of Tech school."
• Tax representative: Snickers and says, "Oh, good luck with that." And she walked away from me. Keep in mind, this was two days after Matt left for boot camp. Nice.

Comment 2

• Co-worker: "What is it that your husband does again?"
• Me: He enlisted in the Air Force Reserve last summer, and is currently in boot camp in San Antonio, Texas. He's been away for about six-weeks.
• Co-worker: "Why would he want to do that?"
• Me: Matt's always wanted to serve, and it was a decision that we made together.
• Co-worker: rolled her eyes at my response.

Comment 3

• Family member: "You are letting him do this?"
• Me: Yes, I will support and honor his decision
• Family member: "I don't understand it."

Comment 4

• Friend: "You will have to get used to this (being separated); once Matt is deployed, this is what it will be like."
• Me: "I will pretend you didn't just mention deployment, I am barely hanging in there while Matt is in boot camp.

After careful reflection, I will say that this friend was correct that I need to learn how to deal with separation; however, the tact in how the message was delivered could have been a bit better.

Comment 5

• Co-worker: "Oh, your husband is in the Air Force? And you are okay with that?"
• Me: "Sure it's tough while he is gone. And Yes, I do support him."
• Co-worker: "Oh, that's interesting." (This conversation occurred the day after Memorial Day.)

FYI: I get the "And you are okay with that?" question a lot from strangers and people I know. Another person told me, "Oh, I wouldn't let my husband do it." And then insinuate that I am responsible for putting my husband in danger.

Comment 6

• Person: "Yeah, I wouldn't let my kid serve right now, I don't agree with why we are over there."
• Me: I didn't have a response to this. My thoughts: My husband took an oath to serve and protect the United States of America. And goes where he is called to.

Comment 7
The best comment so far has to be from the Family Readiness Representative whom I spoke with this past Friday.

• Me: "Good afternoon, my name is Jacquelyn Brown and my husband is currently stationed in Mississippi for Technical School. I'd like to find out more information about a wives support group."
• Family Readiness Rep: "For what?"
• Me: "I'm interested in a social group so I can meet some of the other Air Force wives."
• Fam Read Rep: *** couldn't understand her comments since she proceeded to talk to people around her desk, sidebar conversations, laughing, and then comes back onto the phone with me. ***
• Me: "Sounds like you all are having fun over there." (I say this as I am quietly regretting placing a call for support. If this chick only knew it has taken me three months to finally outreach to the Base.)
• Fam Readiness Rep: "Yeah, we are all happy that an event is finally over that we've been working on." (And by an event, she is talking about a Family Readiness Event that the Base puts on for military families...by the way, 2010 is supposed to be the Year of the Air Force Family.)

Anyway-- I am officially signed up for a New Spouse Orientation for later this month. I'll keep you all posted on the "Good Wives Club" I just joined. I already have a slew of suggestions to help make the outreach to military wives better. I'm not sure if this 'military group' is ready for my civilian attitude.... we shall see!

P.S. If you need to know a response for when a military wife tells you her husband is in the service, a simple: "Thank you for your service" will do.